Why Dads Set the Bar for their Daughters

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Happy Father’s Day!


Father and Daughter
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I imagine, while we sometimes wish our children could stay little and under our wings forever, it is every father’s desire to see his grown daughter with a man who will take care of her, keep her safe, and treat her well. In this day and age, with everyone being so busy, I’m not sure that parents realize how important dad is in setting the bar for who their daughter chooses to spend her life with.

As we end yet another school year, we realize how fast the days breeze by, soon to be weeks, months, and years. The next thing we know, our children have grown, seemingly overnight. Dads, you may notice your daughter separating from you, finding her own sense of self and belonging, and exploring the world outside … including boys. It can be a little bit scary, unless you realize how much control you have over who she chooses.

Some time ago, I read that when a relationship ends, a woman’s heart has a void. That void is the hole that is left, where he touched her heart, and it is the size of how deeply he touched it. If they had a deep connection, the hole will be larger than if they had a shallow connection. I am told this hole remains until it is filled by a similarly deep connection with another man. What you may find interesting, is that a woman will not be satisfied by a man who fills only part of that hole. She will demand a man with the level of depth, love and connection that fills that space in its entirety, or more. Anything less just won’t do.

So, it dawned on me that dads have a huge advantage here. If you capture your daughter’s heart and show her depth and connection, you have created a minimum standard. You have now created a space in her heart that can only be filled by a man who is at least as good as you. She will never accept less. You get to set the bar!

On the other hand, if a dad does not imprint his daughter’s heart with love, connection and depth, her heart is open to any level of connection with a man. Do you see how vulnerable that leaves her, and why she relies on you to show her the way?

Here are three things you can do to make a difference for your daughter:

  1. Be the first man to capture her heart. Connect with her deeply. Love her unconditionally. Hold her in your lap. Laugh with her. Be her Hero.
  2. Do not let go of that level of heart connection and depth until the day you give her hand in marriage.
  3. Role model for your sons how to do this for their daughters and how to treat their wives by how you treat their mother and sister.

It is important that we raise our children with the end in mind, rather than crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. We are their guardians, teachers, guides, and protectors. What you create with your children in this process will be immeasurable and will last for generations. Go make your difference. It starts at home. It starts with you.

Venessa and Daddy's Hands
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Traci last one 1 22 07Traci Carman is the Founder of A Loving Way ~ How I Parent Makes a Difference. She has been a mother for 25 years and has three children. She is a Parenting Coach, Speaker and Author, and is certified in Coaching, Performance Consulting, Training of NLP and Neurological Repatterning, Reiki and Meditation. She is known for her practical and intuitive parenting style. (www.alovingway.com / tracicarman@alovingway.com/ 800-647-1171)



About Amy @ Oh So Savvy Mom

Amy is mom to three, wife to one, and a sister and aunt to many. Her family is a former military family now settled in Lehi, Utah. Oh So Savvy Mom began as a way for Amy to share parenting and product advice with others. Just as she has evolved, Oh So Savvy Mom has evolved into a resource for Healthy Living for Families, Food, Parenting, and Family Travel.


  1. What a great message for fathers to connect with their daughters!
  2. Michelle says
    This is beautiful. I married my best friend and am very close with my daddy. They are very close as well. My dad did setbthe bar high & I'm so glad he did!! Sharing with my hubby & daddy!! Xx
  3. True, true, true. I'm not sure my ex realized the role he "could" have played with my daughter. They're just not close at all, but now it's too late.
  4. Sadly, too many fathers need to learn this. But, what a lovely post for those dads who love their daughters unconditionally.
    • I agree. Wouldn't it be wonderful if more father's realized what a profound force for good they could be in their children's lives? If that were the case perhaps far fewer people would feel themselves trapped and frustrated in relationships with undeserving partners.