Preparing your toddler or preschooler for the arrival of a new baby

Preparing Your Toddler or Preschooler for the Arrival of a New Baby

Welcoming a new baby into the family is a joyous occasion for parents.  For siblings who are about to become “big brother” or “big sister” however, the new addition can bring anxiety, frustration, and confusion.

“Why don’t mom and dad play with me anymore?”  Any parent who thinks that they will be able to divide their attention fairly between the new baby and the other siblings is kidding themselves.  Babies are super time intensive and exhausting.

“It doesn’t look very fragile.  Why can’t I touch it?”  If you’ve had a toddler or preschooler and a baby at the same time you know it is inevitable that there will be poking, prodding, and a variety of other things that elicit a panicked “No!” from mom and dad.

A child’s world can easily be turned upside down during the time mom leaves for the hospital to when she comes home, bearing in her arms, a totally dependent and beautiful new soul.

Though my husband and I are no perfect parents, there are several things we’ve done to help our boys transition into this new chapter of our family journey.

During Pregnancy

  1. Download a pregnancy app.  Most little kids are fairly adept at using mom and dad’s smartphones.  What better way to help your kids begin to understand the new life developing in mommy’s tummy than by letting them keep track of baby’s development right along with you.  My boys have loved looking at pictures of how baby is growing and developing.  There are several free apps to choose from.
  2. Bring kids to your doctor’s appointments.  Sound silly?  You don’t need to bring them to all of your appointments, but taking them to a few will allow them to hear baby’s heartbeat.  If you child is very verbal it will also bring up some great teaching opportunities.
  3. Help your kids learn to be more independent.  If your preschooler or toddler is developmentally ready, you can prepare them for reduced attention from mommy by teaching to dress themselves, get snacks out of the cupboard or refrigerator, or potty learn.  Be sensitive, if your child is not developmentally ready to learn a certain task wait a few months and try again.  Note of caution: avoid telling the child that they need to learn these things for any reasons associated with the coming baby.  This can engender resentment.
  4. Let your child take part in the naming process.  Alright, I don’t mean let your son name your newborn “Magneto” like our 5 year old suggested.  Rather, ask them how they like the various names you picked out; ask for their input.

When baby arrives

  1. Give your child a sense of ownership of the new baby.  Don’t worry, you’re still the parents.  You’re still in charge. But don’t be afraid let your child help you with the baby.  Even a toddler or preschooler, if they are interested can help you change the baby’s diaper (hand you the diaper, wipes, etc.), wash the baby (wipe the baby’s feet or belly with a wash cloth), pat baby’s back to help burp the baby.
  2. Proactive praise goes a long way.  “I love how soft you are with the baby.” “He really likes it when you touch his hand so softly.”  “Thank you for helping Mommy take such good care of your baby brother.” “You take such good care of your little baby.”  Knowing that they are valued will help big brothers and sisters develop a sense of pride in their new family role.

    diaperchange

    My brother changing my diaper. I was about 18 months old and he was about 3.

  3. Be calm and know that tantrums and anger are your child’s way of expressing their frustration and confusion about the changes.  Even within the same family children will react differently to the addition of a new baby.  Some children transition fairly seamlessly.  Others dig in their heals and resist the change. My older son began throwing temper tantrums–something he’d never done before–when I was in my 3rd trimester.  I could no long play with him like I used to and he resented it.  When we brought his baby brother home from the hospital he patted the baby on the head, gave him a kiss, and asked, “Can we put him back in your tummy now?”  Be patient, talk with your child (even toddlers can benefit from this), let them know that you understand their frustrations.  Take a deep breath and know that the storm will pass.
  4. If you’re in the middle of a task or activity with your older child and baby starts crying, quickly finish up with your child and then go get baby.  Unless it is an emergency, go ahead and quickly finish up with your child and then attend to the baby.  This will help your preschooler or toddler not feel like they’re always being put off in favor of the baby.

What other things have you found that have helped your own children prepare for and accept the arrival of a new baby?

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About Amy @ Oh So Savvy Mom

My name is Amy. I'm a mom to three, wife to one, and a sister and aunt to many. I'm an Air Force wife currently living in Bossier City, Louisiana. Oh So Savvy Mom began as a way for me to share parenting and product advice with others. I have a lot share, but I'm no loud mouth. My blog is my way to be heard. Come join me at Oh So Savvy Mom, learn about new products, pick up some parenting tips and tricks, and have a good time.

Comments

  1. We just had baby #6 and we’ve always made sure to include the older boys in the pregnancy and baby care. We played up how important the role of big other is. We also let the older boys pick our 5th son’s middle name 🙂

    • It is so important for kids not to feel excluded when the new baby arrives. Picking names and emphasizing the importance of their role as big brother are so important! Thanks so much for commenting!

  2. These are great tips. My son is 5 and I’m pregnant with twins and this is one of the biggest concerns I have, how he will adjust!

    • You’ll have to let me know what worked for him. I imagine it can be a little different trying to adjust to twins. There is even less mom time to be had when twins come along. I’m sure it will be crazy, but you’ll love it nonetheless.

  3. I let my oldest help choose the outfit the new baby would be coming home in from the hospital. She was pretty proud of herself!

  4. Great advice. Thanks for sharing.

  5. One thing that made a big difference for my daughter was making sure I wasn’t holding her new brother when she came to see me in the hospital. My arms were empty and ready to hold/hug her for a while. I made sure to ask her all about the fun she was having with grandma and we chatted for a while before we talked about the new baby. It made her feel important and loved. My midwives also let her “measure” my belly on each visit. She got such a kick out of that!

    • Ashley, I love what you said about having your arms ready for your daughter when she came to see you at the hospital. I remember when my eldest came to the hospital when his little brother was born. At that point he wasn’t very impressed with our new bundle of joy and needed me to give him some attention. I’ll have to make sure that I take your advice when my boys come to the hospital this time.

  6. Great advice! I also like when the baby “brings” new gifts to his/her new sibling the day they are born!

  7. Great tips! We bought and read “I’m a big Sister!” to help teach them =)

  8. Books helped my son a lot. Also watching a friends baby so my son could see what it was like and we could see how his behavior was. Great tips!

  9. Love this list. We went through this with our lil man. He loves participating in his little sisters day to day activities. It’s a tough transition sometimes. There are times he just wants to be held like her too, but he’s doing ok.

  10. Our two year old plays with the baby already. She pretends to make him oatmeal and feed it to him. Then she’ll say, “Oh! He’s messy!” and wipe my belly. It’s adorable when she gives him hugs to help him feel better when mommy gets a pain.